My new project...

OK, I've been trying to make it so that I update this at least once a week. My 'home' (Occlumency at Sycophant Hex) is temporarily not taking any submissions while they make the move to the new MAGE program. So I haven't been able to update any of my fics. I was lucky to get that last chapter of Shadow posted before they closed for submissions. Anyway I'm really excited about the change. To hold anyone who actually reads my stuff here is a poem I've been working on. Enjoy! Feedback is appreciated.


Gotta Love Those Theories:
A Tribute to Harry Potter Theorists Everywhere

Sometimes when I sit down to write,
my plot bunnies scamper out of sight.
In annoyance and desperation,
I surf the web in exasperation.

One thing that will always cheer me
is an interesting HP theory.
Some are serious, and some are funny;
Some gave birth to a plot bunny.

Now I'm using my strange sense of humor
to entertain my fellow fanfic consumer.
Enjoy the collection of stuff you see.
I write for fun, not for money.

If you're someone who's easily offended,
hitting the back button is recommended.
The following things are a little crass,
but please refrain from flaming my ass.

"Dumbledore just can't be dead!"
the stricken, teary-eyed fans all said.
How did he slip through death's noose?
He and Snape swapped some Polyjuice!

If death he wanted to escape,
why the hell would he pick Snape?
Was it to save the Potions master
from Unbreakable Vow disaster?

And speaking of our favorite Death Eater,
here's a theory that's even sweeter.
I'm sure that it drew many flames
when they said he was in love with James!

Sorry, but it's much less silly
to think Snape had an eye for Lily.
If Snape and Lily had a such a thing,
does that make them Slug Queen and King?

Now here's one I like the best.
It's about the 'monster' in Harry's chest.
When Ginny was in Tom's possession,
She then became his lusty obsession!

The soul fragment just escaped the diary
and joined the one lodged in poor Harry.
Why else would he want to date
the little sister of his best mate?

Voldie made a Horcrux of Harry?
Now that thought is just plain scary!
No, our hero deserves a life,
a home, some children, and a wife.

Luna? Ginny? Hermione?
Just one? Or perhaps all three?
Will she be pretty, or will she be smart?
Will she connive to win Harry's heart?

Now there's also the interesting notion
that Harry was slipped a Weasley love potion.
This is what happens when shippers get irate:
you end up with things like Ginny the Pirate!

Then there's Ginny's pet Pygmy Puff,
that little purple ball of fluff.
Arnold is something beyond the norm:
he's Bella in Animagus form!



I wonder if Voldie thought it was funny
when Bella became a purple dust bunny?
If he and Bella want to scheme,
they must add Kreacher to the team!

Shipping is so not my hobby.
But what about the Squid and Dobby?
Here's one that gave me a start:
Sybill Trelawney and Gilderoy Lockhart!

Kick back, relax, take a seat.
Grab a margarita and prop up your feet.
One final warning that cannot hurt:
some of these have a nose/cola alert.

Enjoy, my luvs, and when you're through,
please don't forget to leave a review!
Even though I make no money,
I still need something to feed the plot bunny.

Forays into the 'Shipping World... and Other Disasters

I've been lurking on several of the HP sites--most of them heavy into the 'shipping thing--reading some of the more 'interesting ' theories that are out there. Shipping is a very scary place unless you agree with those whose site you visit. In that time, I learned a few important things:

1. Never go to a 'shipping site and use an avatar that doesn't conform to the ship. OK mine's a neutral avatar, just Snape and I--that is to say, a white deer (hart).

2. When going to a 'shipping site, make sure you have XXXX + XXXX = 4EVER tatooed somehere on your body. It doesn't hurt to have photographic proof.

3. 'Shippers don't believe that non-'shipper exist. If you don't sail their 'ship, you're trying to sink it. I tried this one, and it didn't work. I was called some really foul names in the one forum. The best one was when I was mistaken for Emerson Spartz, Mr. Mugglenet. Sorry if you received any hatemail on my account, Emerson.

4. 'Shippers will cling to their their pairing with all the tenacity of a pitbull and will rip you a new one if you present them with canon evidence contrary to their 'ship.

5. Shippers use code names for opposing ships in the same spirit that Malfoy calls Hermione a Mudblood.

6. Their theories make great plot bunny kibble. I am currently working on a series of one-shots based on some of the theories I've read on the various sites. Yes, they will be posted here as well as FF.net, Fiction Alley and Sychophant Hex/Occlumency.

Overall it was a very 'unique' experience--one that I don't wish to repeat for any amount of money. Honestly, love is a major theme in HP, but that doesn't make it a romance novel.